Venus in Leo
I suppose I have always acknowledged the fact that I am very easily influenced (lets not forget that I am cancer stellium with a strong Pisces moon). I’ve always observed, participated in the capacity to which I was able to learn & mimic qualities, and then transitioned to my fawn over to the next figure I idolized in pop culture. There was a phase that I endured during first grade in which I watched my Josie & the Pussy Cats VHS on a daily basis. I have aged into an adult who knows that movie’s soundtrack word-for-word, still seeks sparkly animal print when I am shopping, and still regularly searches for the cinematic masterpiece on streaming platforms. I was fortunate enough to experience the pivotal moment during the evolution of the internet where I was able to dress up virtual Barbie dolls on my grandparents desktop, just as long as I didn’t use the house phone. Most days I feel like a Frankenstein Halloween Edition Bratz Doll that reflects the pieces of every feminine icon that has resonated with me across my lives in this vessel, and I am comfortable in fully embracing the fact that I am not the product of a single trend. I am, most definitely, a reflection of all the people I have loved and idolized. And on good days, also a reflection of those who love me in return.
Born under a Cancer sun has provided reason for my obsession with water. Every place where I have placed roots has a path to the nearest body of water burned into navigation system in my brain. My grandma insists that she taught me to swim before I could walk, however I’m unsure how credible this statement is considering she never learned to fully swim herself. So naturally, when I learned who the iconic Venus was, I took no time in allowing myself to be hypnotized by her beauty and was constantly on the hunt for other historic images that expressed her likeness. Her emotions were fluid and the way she presented her was raw. The Birth of Venus has been painted, drawn or recreated a million times in a multitude of ways which has led me to understand that I am by no means the only one enchanted by her beauty. I even embrace a rendition of her on my own castle, framed and still, one of my favorite tattoos. However, it may be in our best interest to not get wrapped up in culturally idolized beauty. I mean sure, these images and people are beautiful, they wouldn’t be alluring if you weren’t supposed to like them, but it’s important to not value their appearance over authenticity and the ability to express yourself as an individual.
It is to my understanding that the application of beauty in a hierarchal standard is like trippin’ on a hole in a paper heart. You will consistently harp on the “could haves” or “would haves” trying to conform to any trend or supposed standard that was served to you on a silver platter. This is a love letter from an individual who was forced into version of herself who was focused on survival instead of being given the space to discover a fully developed sense of self. It took me what feels like a lifetime to discover the hole I kept trippin’ on, and it wasn’t until I stopped subscribing to others’ definitions of beauty that I was able to tread down the path of individualism that provided a foundation for me to live authentically. I presently find power in embracing my feminine side which sometimes manifests as sharp edges and leaves a metallic taste in my mouth. Other times, femininity feels like an afternoon in the wildflowers with Slyvia Plath. I find access to a liberated self in other people’s liberation within a realm of possibly where they are free to be and free to act. I’ve always yearned for a community that was able to sit with difference and celebrated everyone’s expression of individuality. It is my intention with my platform to provide a guide to forward thinking, one leads in a direction that acknowledges the intersections of all identities and masters the skill of authentic listening as well. One where honesty leads to authenticity that leads to acceptance.
